Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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