I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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