Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
