Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
