This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
