I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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