guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
