dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
