Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
