I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
