girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
