Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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