do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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