planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
