i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
