After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
