i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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