he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
