Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
