tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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