youre lurking in front of me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
