i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
