her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
