she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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