Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
