Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
