:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
