So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
