I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Found your dick twin last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize