if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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