oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
