The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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