I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
