two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
