I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
