did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize