Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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