I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
