she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
