I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
