I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
