just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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