you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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