There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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