i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
