so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
3 2 1 whiskey
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
