i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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