i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize