if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
