be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
