I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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