I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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