dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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