I could have mohawked her pubes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
