is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
