I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
