jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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