oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
