He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
