Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize