do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
