I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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