I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
