Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
