i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
