i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i think im in europe. pls send help
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
