in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize