You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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