just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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