And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
