Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
