This is not my ceiling
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You pole danced in your parka.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
