I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
