I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize